Counselling.

Relationships can be hard, whether you are single or part of a couple. Sometimes it seems that nothing is working. You may have tried to ‘change your ways’ but before long you are back to where you are.

 

It’s frustrating, watching others develop a long-term, loving relationship. Frustrating and lonely.

 

If you are struggling with dating or finding your relationship cold and empty, then get in touch.

 

Together, we will explore what’s holding you back and what it is that you are really looking for. Then, we will work on ways so that you can have what you want – a long-term, loving relationship.

Jump to the relevant section for you:​

 

Singles Counselling.

Thank you for your help, your attentive listening, your patience, your confronting questions and your attitude in helping me see things in perspective. It has really helped me a lot in my journey over the past few years. – C. (35)

If you feel stuck in being single and want help finding fun in dating again, I can help you out. A lot of the issues regarding dating and singleness have to do with fear and commitment anxiety.

Other issues can be for example: past relationships that have hurt you, shyness, focussing on everything but dating (avoidance) or fear of rejection. If you feel you need help with any of these issues I can help you focus on what keeps you from dating and how you can overcome your fears and find fun dates again. Love cannot be guaranteed, but there’s a lot of things you can do to make your chances better.

If you want to find out what it is that is keeping you and whether or not you want help with that, start with a check up session. Most people I see need an additional 5 to 8 sessions to get going again.

Sessions can be done weekly, two weekly or monthly, whatever fits your situation. I will give you a lot of homework so for most people monthly sessions are enough (and fit in their budget). Sessions are 80 GBP each. I also offer the following packages for singles:

  • 90 minute check-up of your ‘love life’: £125

  • A 5 session package, 5 times 60 minutes: £360

  • An 8 session package, 8 times 60 minutes: £570

People tell me they love working with me because it gives them many new insights in their personalities and preferences in life. A lot of them do find love, and almost all of them tell me they have new energy and fun in the process.

How to get started:

A first appointment is for you to tell your story and to feel if you want to work with me, it is also for me to decide if I can help you. Most of the time the answer to these questions will be yes.

If however, I feel you are better off with another type of counsellor I will fully explain this to you and help you find more fitting help. If for any reason you feel you don’t want to proceed with more sessions that’s completely up to you.

Coming for a check-up doesn’t oblige you to anything. It is important for this kind of work to feel completely safe with your counsellor.

 

Couples Counselling.

Just to let you know you did an amazing job on our marriage. A. is slowly recovering from his depression and started working again. You helped us to recognize our emotions and talk through them instead of avoiding them. Our sexual life has also much improved. Things are starting to fall into place. We are so thankful for your help in a time we really needed it. E and A (32&38)

Falling in love again is possible! Clients tell me so over and over again. If you are facing relationship troubles but you wonder if couples counselling is really needed you can start with a relationship check-up (consider it an MOT). For most people, a relationship check-up can be a really helpful way to assess their current points of conflict or insecurity. It can also be used to assess the basic patterns of communication. Having these clear can help improve a healthy relationship a lot.

Some people do find they have issues but are wondering if they need extensive counselling. They don’t want to commit to a long scheme of sessions but they do feel they need some help. For them a 5 session start can be useful. They can commit to these 5 sessions, weekly or two-weekly, and take it from there. For most couples with real issues research shows that at least 8 sessions are needed and usually 12 sessions will bring them in a much better place than when they started. Whatever your situation, I can work with you to help you find the best fit. And in the end it is important to be aware that we are all lifelong learners and my job as a counsellor is just to be walking alongside of you for part of your journey.

The costs for a 60 minute session are 90 GBP for couples. All first sessions are 90 minutes. I offer the following packages:

  • Relationship check-up (MOT) or intake, 90 minutes: £125

  • 5 session package, 5 times 60 minutes: £400

  • 8 session package, 8 times 60 minutes: £650

A discount based on reduced income can be discussed if needed. It is important to note that what may seem like a big investment in your relationship at the start for most people proves to be well worth it, both in time and in energy, because of the results. A safe and healthy relationship makes people thrive in all areas of life. It also makes their children, if they have any, thrive, research shows.

 

My Qualifications & Experience.

I’ve graduated from a two year postdoctoral education to become a licensed psychologist and I’ve finished training at the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focussed Therapy (ICEEFT) to become an internationally registered couples counsellor.

I offer couples counselling following the EFT model, helping couples to better understand and love each other.

You can read more on this model at the ICEEFT website or in Sue Johnsons excellent book Hold me Tight (Created for Connection is the Christian version of this same book). I have specialised in working with Christian couples but I will see any couple.

I’ve also specialised in working with singles who want to be in a relationship, using that same EFT model. I offer them help figuring out what’s keeping them from being in a relationship and how to change those dynamics. You can find details of my latest book at the website Dare to Date and it’s available from Amazon.

Qualifications and Confidentiality

  • I am registered in the Dutch BIG register, a register for Health professionals who qualify to work with clients according to a very strict regulated system (www.bigregister.nl).

  • I’m also registered at the ICEEFT (www.iceeft.com). I’m in the process of becoming registered for the BACP and HCPC in the UK.

Being a registered health professional binds me to an ethical framework as described for example here: https://www.bacp.co.uk/ethical_framework/.

I’m legally bound to confidentiality and record keeping within the set standards. This is to keep counselling a safe place. At the beginning of the counselling sessions I will make a treatment plan, discuss this with you and we will both sign a counselling agreement where more details are specified.

I am insured by Towergate Indemnity Insurance.

Singles in Church

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Dare to date

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Teaching dating in the church

Aukelien van Abbema

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