When I'm on a date, I'm often so tense that I sometimes "forget" to be nice. That is why I recently asked myself: how can I still be cordial, despite my nerves, so that I am liked?
You're so nice, I thought when I first met my husband. I was not sure if I wanted to date him, but I also wasn't sure why I shouldn't go on with him. So we agreed again, and then again.
Tip one: One of the easiest strategies in dating is to get liked. It makes your conversation partner more relaxed and the meeting more pleasant. And that ensures that you have more fun during a conversation and that you get to see more of the other person. That's true for dating, but also more generally when it comes to making friends.
Mean what you say to your date
Tip Two: But how are you liked? Science has something to say about that. I recently read a study on the five elements of being liked. Start saying something nice! Sounds simple, but research shows that, for example, waiters get more tips that way than if they don't start with a cheerful "Good evening, and you look beautiful today". Be clear about your kindness. People are so afraid of rejection that they are often not so clear in their attempts to make contact.
Then make sure - tip number two - that what you say is sincere. People feel it when a compliment is undesirable. Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Tip Three: The third point from the survey was: we like people who like us. In other words, I like you faster if you like me. This often goes wrong with dating. People are so tense that they forget to be nice. They think that they have to look very critically at their conversation partner to test immediately on the first date whether this is marriage material. Not nice at all. Like making friends with a checklist next to someone's head. In the beginning, for the sake of convenience, assume that you have good qualities, unless proven otherwise.
Find matches with your date
Tip four: take advantage of the fact that agreements bind us. It is not without reason that we often ask, “Oh, are you from there? Do you know so and so? " There is a good chance that you do indeed know so and so. Then don't cry out with a sigh and a support, "Oh, what a small world it is!" but just say happily: “Indeed, I know him. How nice that you know them too. I always think she can sing so beautifully ”(or something nice).
And then you immediately come to the last, proven method to quickly get a lot of connection: enlarge matches. That is a fun sport. When I take my son to school and look around the schoolyard, I see many parents who are different from me. But recently I met a father who works at the bank where I bank. Bingo! I took advantage of that opportunity and immediately had a schoolyard connection. A world where we feel more connected to each other makes us all happier people.
Aukelien Van Abbema is a singles and couples counsellor, public speaker, and successful author, including the title Dare to Date.
Helping people with Christian dating, relationships, singleness in church, dating in church, loneliness, connectedness, christian connection, healthy relationships.